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1. What is your FULL name? [BREAK] Jeffrey Randolph Byrne
2. Any nicknames? [BREAK] Sex Machine. Love Tool God. Kevin
3. Do you like your name? [BREAK]It's ok. It could be something worse, like Peter. Or Alex.
4. What would your new name be if you had to change names? [BREAK]Sir Lord Esquier Bartleby the Impaler
5. If you were the opposite sex, what would you want your name to be? [BREAK]It was going to be colleen. Apparently ultrasounds weren't very accurate in 1982.
6. How old are you? [BREAK]I'm 25, but I'll be 30 in 5 years.
7. Does anyone share your birthday? [BREAK]No. How awesome is that? I'm the only April 6th birth. Ever of all time.
8. What day of the week is your birthday in 2007? [BREAK]It was a Friday
9. How many siblings do you have? [BREAK]I had two, but one died of dysentery. Then, the very next night a thief stole 2 of our oxen.
10. If so, what are their names? [BREAK]Laura and Jonah
11. Do you like your siblings? [BREAK]Not really. They smell
12. If one could disappear, who would you like to go? [BREAK]Well, I guess Jonah.
13. What is your hometown? [BREAK]Yardley
14. What hospital were you born in? [BREAK]I don't know. Saint Diablo or something.
15. What color is your hair? [BREAK]It's brown.
16. What color are your eyes? [BREAK]Also brown. Interestingly, though, my poo is a lovely shade of blue.
17. Do you have freckles? [BREAK]I have many. Some try to kill me, others just look ugly.
18. Do you tan? [BREAK]Did you know that black people can tan? I know, right. Crazy.
19. Innie or outie? [BREAK]Both. And I just strained my back while checking. I'm in such good shape.
20. Pierced navel or no? [BREAK]No.
21. How many piercings? [BREAK]Zero
22. Any unusual piercings? [BREAK]I have the fingers on my left hand stapled together.
23. How many tattoos? [BREAK]I have a giant body tattoo of a white man.
24. Nails long or short? [BREAK]Short
25. Hair is short medium or long? [BREAK]Short
26. Glasses contacts or neither? [BREAK]Contacts
27. Braces? [BREAK]Are for ugly people
28. What is the name of your highschool? [BREAK]Pennsbury High
29. What grade are you in? [BREAK]19th?
30. Year of graduation? [BREAK]2000
31. What are your classes? [BREAK]English, Math, Latin, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Apothecary 101, How to Lick Vagina Without Even Trying (that's more like a seminar), Gym, Art, Super Secret Math, Ninja, Lamp, Chair, Rocket, Burning Sensation, Free Pop Tart, Eight Ball, Crack, Stewie Head Football, Porn, Home Ec
32. What is your favorite class? [BREAK]How to Lick Vagina, etc, etc.
33. Who is your favorite teacher? [BREAK]Jesus has taught me everything I need to know.
34. Are you the person that people come to for answers or do you go to others? [BREAK]Yes.
35. Did you make honor roll? [BREAK]Usually.
36. Does your principal like you? [BREAK]I don't think my principal ever knew me. There was about 9825 kids in the school.
37. What about your teachers? [BREAK]I slept with 4 of them.
38. What do you plan to do after the required years of school? [BREAK]Take myspace surveys.
39. If you picked college, what college and why? [BREAK]Millersville. Don't really know. Maybe it was the swans.
40. Ever failed a grade? [BREAK]No.
41. Were you bumped up a grade? [BREAK]No.
42. Were you held back or pushed forward because of your birthday? [BREAK]I don't even know what that means. Is it like "Hey, Happy Birthday. Please Advance one year!"
43. Whats your favorite land animal? [BREAK]Land Animal? Penguin
44. Whats your favorite water animal? [BREAK]The male seahorse has the babies.
45. What seafood is your favorite? [BREAK]Well why don't they just call that the female seahorse?
46. What is your favorite chinese food dish? [BREAK]General Tso
47. What is your favorite mexican food dish? [BREAK]Tortilla with cheese meat and vegetables.
48. Spanish food dish? [BREAK]Is that different from Mexican?
49. Irish food dish? [BREAK]Irish Potatos
50. English food dish? [BREAK]Um... Tea Earl Grey Hot?
51. Italian food dish? [BREAK]Everything.
52. Japanese food dish? [BREAK]I like the shrimp the fling at your face
53. Any other favorite food dishes? [BREAK]The Vag, and chocolate syrup.
54. What is your favorite soda? [BREAK]Pepsi. Coke is for whores.
55. What about favorite juice? [BREAK]Vodka.
56. Do you drink alcohol? [BREAK]Everyday. It helps me keep up my Alcoholic status.
57. If so, whats your favorite alcoholic drink? [BREAK]I like this new Orange Vodka, 99 Bananas, Grenadine, Orange Juice thing I invented. I call it a Whiskey Sour.
58. Whats your favorite brand of bottled water? [BREAK]Dasani. It's bottled by real leprechauns and you can really taste it in the water.
59. Do you combine drinks? [BREAK]Dude, **** you.
60. Do you like powdered drink mixes? [BREAK]I don't think so, no.
61. Do you like coffee? [BREAK]Not this folgers **** we have at work.
62. What about hot tea? [BREAK]Not really. That's for fags and gays.
63. What is your heritage? [BREAK]I don't know. Probably Italian and Jesus or something like that.
64. What country in the entire world would you most like to visit? [BREAK]Eh, whatever.
65. Which country do you think has the smartest people? [BREAK]South Dakota
66. Which country is the biggest disappointment? [BREAK]France.
67. Should the United States be involved in the Iraq War? [BREAK]Sure, why not. I'm not dying, so whatever.
68. Are you happy with George W. Bush? [BREAK]I don't really think about it.
69. What about Dick Cheney? [BREAK]Hehe.. Dick.
70. Who do you want to win the next presidential election? [BREAK]I think it'd be cool if Hilary won. Or that Black guy. Hitler Bin Laden or whatever his name is.
71. Are you going to be able to vote in the 2008 election? [BREAK]Yes. I got a new voter card just the other day.
72. What do you think needs to be changed in America? [BREAK]Mexicans. And gypsies.
73. What's your favorite state(s)? [BREAK]Favorite state? Does anyone actually have a favorite state? Do they go around all "Steve, steve! Hey, did you know that Oklahoma's state bird is the Scissor-Tailed Flycatcher? Way better than a **** ing Oriole, I can tell you that. Bet you didn't know that the world's first parking meter was in Oklahoma City, on July 16, 1935, either. You don't know anything, man. My Oklahoma knowledge is vastly superior to yours."
74. What states have you been in? [BREAK]All the non-gay ones. And Pennsylvania.
75. Been on a train? [BREAK]When I was a young boy.
76. To where? [BREAK]To the land of hopes and dreams.
77. Been on a subway? [BREAK]No. Just the Metro. I've been to Subway though. Got me an Italian BMT.
78. Where? [BREAK]Um... what?
79. Been on a plane? [BREAK]Oh sure
80. To where? [BREAK]Vegas. Florida. Arizona. Your mom's dirty, dirty vagina.
81. Been in a really long car ride? [BREAK]Sure, sure.
82. To where? [BREAK]Virgina Beach. Florida.
83. Been on a boat trip? [BREAK]I've been on a boat.
84. To where? [BREAK]I don't know. France?
85. Ever been in another country? [BREAK]No
86. How many other countries have your visited? [BREAK]42
87. Do you think studying abroad would be fun? [BREAK]Not at all. I don't study.
88. Do you speak any other languages fluently? [BREAK]igpa atinla
89. If not, can you sort of speak a different language? [BREAK]Oh sure
90. Who do you like? [BREAK]I like Mark. He don't take no guff from no one.
91. If you can't name them, what is their first initial? [BREAK]Who are you talking about? Why wouldn't I be able to name someone?
92. Are they hott? [BREAK]Your mom goes to college.
93. Are they mentally attractive? [BREAK]Mentally attractive? Does that mean ugly? Don't date ugly people. It's just a waste of time.
94. What do you think of their personality? [BREAK]Who the **** are we talking about?
95. Do you ever want to get married? [BREAK]Sure, why not.
96. What job do you want to have in the future? [BREAK]Kitchen Appliance Namer. I'm goin on break.
97. How many kids do you want to have? [BREAK]22
98. What would their names be? [BREAK]Steve, Joe, Scott, Darma, Number 7, Foster, Calvin, Monkey, Adolf, Joe II, Allie, Dani, Slut Whore, Q, X-Ray, Philly Roll, That growth on my back, Kate, Sara, Julia, Lindsay, Lindsey
99. What kind of house do you want to live in? [BREAK]One with a moat
100. What kind of car would you like to drive? [BREAK]A flying car
101. Where would your house be in world? [BREAK]At the top
102. Would you have a vacation home? [BREAK]Sure, in the ocean
103. If so, where? [BREAK]I just **** ing told you.
104. Do you drive now? [BREAK]Not right this second, no.
105. If so, what kind of car do you drive? [BREAK]2007 Hyundai Elantra. It's got... wheels and three cup holders.
106. Ever driven an unusual car like a hummer or porsche or bmw? [BREAK]I've gotten a hummer in a porsche. Does that count?
107. What is your favorite type of music? [BREAK]Gospel.
108. What is your favorite band/ musician/singer? [BREAK]That hot chick from American Idol
109. What is your favorite song? [BREAK]Danny Boy
110. What is your myspace song? [BREAK]What's the difference between a myspace song and a regular song? About 30 lbs! Hahahahahahahahahaha
111. Why is that your myspace song? [BREAK]I forget
112. What concerts have you attended? [BREAK]All of them
113. What about shows? [BREAK]Um... I don't know
114. Ever been in a talent show? [BREAK]Yes.
115. If so, what was your talent? [BREAK]I sang.
116. What was your favorite song last year? [BREAK]Dude, I don't **** ing know.
117. Ever been on stage? [BREAK]Sure
118. For what? [BREAK]Court
119. Play any sports? [BREAK]No
120. For whom? [BREAK]for whom? Joe Gibbs.
121. How many years have you played? [BREAK]11
122. Whats your jersey number? [BREAK]12
123. Is your coach a good coach? [BREAK]Not anymore
124. Do you like your teammates? [BREAK]Not Portis. He's a douche
125. Do you think that one of your teammates shouldn't be on the team? [BREAK]Shawn
126. If so, why? [BREAK]Dickface
127. What is your ringtone? [BREAK]CTU
128. What is your ring back song? [BREAK]What the **** are you talking about, assmuncher
129. What was the last call you received? [BREAK]I don't even want to talk about it.
130. Dialed? [BREAK]The vet
131. What did the last text message you received say? [BREAK]Love you too
132. Delivered? [BREAK]I figured. night
133. How many minutes do you spend on the computer every day approximately? [BREAK]Most of them.
134. Where are you currently in your house? [BREAK]I am about 55 miles south of my house
135. What kind of computer are you on? [BREAK]I don't know what you mean.
136. How many minutes do you spend watching television? [BREAK]32.
137. What is your favorite show(s)? [BREAK]Porn. Love me some porn.
138. When do they come on and what channel? [BREAK]Uh, whenever. Porn OnDemand!
139. Does anyone else watch it with you? [BREAK]My dick.
140. What is your favorite movie? [BREAK]Not Sideways, I can tell you that.
141. Name your favorite romance movie [BREAK]Fight Club
142. Name your favorite horror flick [BREAK]Freddy Got Fingered
143. Name your favorite chick flick [BREAK]Transformers
144. Name your favorite action movie [BREAK]How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days
145. Name your favotire sequel [BREAK]Favotire?
146. Name your favorite trippy movie [BREAK]The Goonies
147. Name your favorite comedic movie [BREAK]Jesus Gets Laid
148. What was the last movie you saw? [BREAK]The Bourne Identity
149. When did you see it? [BREAK]The other night
150. Movie theatre or at home? [BREAK]At home in my movie theater
151. Where is your favorite place to see movies? [BREAK]Naked
152. What is the price to see movies at your movie theatre? [BREAK]I dont' know. $15?
153. What are you doing right now besides this survey? [BREAK]Nothing. Doesn't look like Marty's in today so I'll probably sit around, look at some porn on my phone, maybe take a nap.
154. Are you listening to music, if so what? [BREAK]No.
155. Do you work? [BREAK]I get paid. That's like working.
156. Where do you work? [BREAK]I work in Silver Spring
157. Are you going to have a summer job? [BREAK]It is summer and I have my job year round.
158. Rollin in that dough? [BREAK]Not really. I don't know where it goes, but I'm pretty sure I can blame it's disappearance on the gays. Damn gays. Always costing me money.
159. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? [BREAK]Yeah
160. Just plain crushin? [BREAK]You know how I is.
161. FWB? [BREAK]What?
162. Are you bored right now? [BREAK]No, I'm looking up FWB.
163. What do you think of myspace? [BREAK]It's ok, I guess.
164. Do you think its over rated? [BREAK]What does that even mean?
165. What are your pet peeves? [BREAK]I hate when poop hangs onto your butt and you gotta jiggle around in the seat to get it to fall.
166. Who is your least favorite person right now? [BREAK]Tony Danza
167. What about your favorite person? [BREAK]Dave Thomas
168. Who are your best friends? [BREAK]Larry Flint
169. Why do you love them? [BREAK]For all the porn
170. Do they live close? [BREAK]I don't even know if he's alive
171. How many times in a week do you see them? [BREAK]Zero
172. What is your favorite board game? [BREAK]I don't think I've played a board game in months.
173. Playstation game? [BREAK]This survey is **** ing retarded.
174. What is your favorite card game? [BREAK]Strip
175. What is your favorite cd? [BREAK]How long is this thing?
176. Do you own an iPod? [BREAK]Yes
177. What color is it? or what model? [BREAK]Black
178. What time is it? [BREAK]10:10
179. What should you be doing right now? [BREAK]Jerking my ****
180. Are you a procrastinator? [BREAK]No
181. Describe your bestest friend in five words [BREAK]I quit.
182. Describe yourself in ten words No Answer
183. Do you like to swim? No Answer
184. Run? No Answer
185. Ride bikes? No Answer
186. Walk? No Answer
187. Do you like the ocean? No Answer
188. How many times a year do you go to the beach? No Answer
189. When did you last attend a party? No Answer
190. When is the next one? No Answer
191. What is the weather like outside? No Answer
192. What is to your left? No Answer
193. Right? No Answer
194. Behind you? No Answer
195. What are you wearing? No Answer
196. What is your favorite outfit? No Answer
197. What do your pajamas look like? No Answer
198. Do you think sleeping naked is disgusting? No Answer
199. What do you look for in a partner? No Answer
200. Do they have to have specific characteristics? No Answer
201. Do you have ADD? No Answer
202. What about ADHD? No Answer
203. Describe your mood right now No Answer
204. What do you think of eyebrows being pierced? No Answer
205. Lips? No Answer
206. Tongues? No Answer
207. Noses? No Answer
208. Nipples? No Answer
209. Other exotic places for lack of better terms? No Answer
210. Do you like where you live right now? No Answer
211. Are your parents together? No Answer
212. Do you like that? No Answer
213. What are you doing in math class right now? No Answer
214. What about english? No Answer
215. What were you doing at 1:00 pm today? No Answer
216. Where was the last place you went? No Answer
217. Who was the last person you saw? No Answer
218. The last thing you said out loud? No Answer
219. What is your sn? No Answer
220. Are you on AIM a lot? No Answer
221. What about other Instant Messaging providers? No Answer
222. Under what provider do you have an email account? No Answer
223. Mac or PC? No Answer
224. Playstation or Game Cube? No Answer
225. Hot or Iced Tea? No Answer
226. Pants or skirts? No Answer
227. Dresses or skirts? No Answer
228. Flip flops or sneakers? No Answer
229. Heels or flats? No Answer
230. Are you male or female? No Answer
231. Have you ever played pretend? No Answer
232. What did you play? No Answer
233. When was the last time you were outside? No Answer
234. When was the last time you went to an amusement park? No Answer
235. What is your favorite amusement park? No Answer
236. Favorite amusemen park ride? No Answer
237. When did you last see a rainbow? No Answer
238. Fireworks? No Answer
239. Have you ever been in a car accident? No Answer
240. Have you ever been in court? No Answer
241. Have you ever been arrested or given a ticket? No Answer
242. Are you tired? No Answer
243. Do you wish this survey was over? No Answer
244. How many questions do you think is in this survey? No Answer
245. What time is it now? No Answer
246. Are you wearing socks or no? No Answer
247. What color are your nails painted? No Answer
248. Wearing any make-up? No Answer
249. Wearing any jewelry? No Answer
250. White gold, gold, platinum, or silver? No Answer
251. What is your favorite color? No Answer
252. Is your room messy? No Answer
253. When are you going to clean it? No Answer
254. What kind of shampoo do you use? No Answer
255. What kind of toothpaste do you use? No Answer
256. Deodorant? No Answer
257. What is your favorite number? No Answer
258. Do you smoke? No Answer
259. Have you ever done drugs? No Answer
260. What do you hear right now? No Answer
261. Are you cold, hot or content? No Answer
262. Like to wear hats or not? No Answer
263. Do you like to drive if you drive? No Answer
264. Windows down or no? No Answer
265. Bumping music? No Answer
266. Two hands on the wheel at all times? No Answer
267. Do you ever think of hitting someone? No Answer
268. Do you want to beat someone up? No Answer
269. Have you ever been in a fight? No Answer
270. Been threated to a fight? No Answer
271. Have you ever cheated on someone? No Answer
272. Been cheated on? No Answer
273. Helped someone cheat? No Answer
274. What did you do for your 16th birthday or plan to do? No Answer
275. What is your myspace address? No Answer
276. What is your name on myspace? No Answer
277. Who are in your top 8? No Answer
278. What time is it? No Answer
279. What was the last website you visited? No Answer
280. Who was the last person you IMed? No Answer
281. What was the last thing you drank? No Answer
282. Ate? No Answer
283. Swallowed? No Answer
284. What shoes did you wear today? No Answer
285. What was the last show you saw on tv? No Answer
286. What is your favorite holiday? No Answer
287. What is your favorite radio station? No Answer
288. Channel on tv? No Answer
289. Who is your favorite family member? No Answer
290. Do you surf? No Answer
291. Skateboard? No Answer
292. Snowboard? No Answer
293. Ski? No Answer
294. Body surf? No Answer
295. Mountain climb? No Answer
296. Sky dive? No Answer
297. What do you want to do before you die the most? No Answer
298. Who would you most like to meet? No Answer
299. Who is your favorite actor? No Answer
300. Who is your favorite actress? No Answer
301. What is your favorite letter? No Answer
302. What do you like to write with? No Answer
303. What is your favorite color of ink? No Answer
304. What is your favorite magazine? No Answer
305. Book? No Answer
306. Author? No Answer
307. Director? No Answer
308. Do you take any special classes? No Answer
309. Do you know someone with a disability? No Answer
310. Do you like affirmative action? No Answer
311. What do you think of Nazis? No Answer
312. the KKK? No Answer
313. people in general? No Answer
314. people that like G.W. Bush? No Answer
315. what did you last write? No Answer
316. think you are a movie nerd? No Answer
317. Have you seen boondock saints? No Answer
318. fight club? No Answer
319. the english patient? No Answer
320. 300? No Answer
321. pride and prejudice? No Answer
322. pulp fiction? No Answer
323. dumb and dumber? No Answer
324. the mask? No Answer
325. star wars? No Answer
326. all of them? No Answer
327. LOTR? No Answer
328. all of them? No Answer
329. bambi? No Answer
330. dumbo? No Answer
331. beauty and the beast? No Answer
332. aladdin? No Answer
333. cinderella? No Answer
334. snow white and the seven dwarfs? No Answer
335. lion king? No Answer
336. lion king 2? No Answer
337. land before time? No Answer
338. power rangers? No Answer
339. teenage mutant ninja turtles? No Answer
340. pokemon? No Answer
341. the departed? No Answer
342. legally blonde? No Answer
343. legally blonde 2? No Answer
344. a beautiful mind? No Answer
345. must love dogs? No Answer
346. elf? No Answer
347. stranger than fiction? No Answer
348. donnie darko? No Answer
349. proof? No Answer
350. blank check? No Answer
351. sum of all fears? No Answer
352. war of the worlds? No Answer
353. top gun? No Answer
354. titanic? No Answer
355. sahara? No Answer
356. friends with money? No Answer
357. talladega nights? No Answer
358. dirty dancing? No Answer
359. sixteen candles? No Answer
360. panic room? No Answer
361. contact? No Answer
362. finding nemo? No Answer
363. madagascar? No Answer
364. breakfast club? No Answer
365. you me and dupree? No Answer
366. shaun of the dead? No Answer
367. dawn of the dead? No Answer
368. the hills have eyes? No Answer
369. how the grinch stole christmas? No Answer
370. saw? No Answer
371. saw 2? No Answer
372. saw 3? No Answer
373. the rocky horror picture show? No Answer
374. one flew over the cuckoos nest? No Answer
375. sisterhood of the traveling pants? No Answer
376. yaya sisterhood? No Answer
377. behind enemy lines? No Answer
378. die hard? No Answer
379. die hard 2? No Answer
380. die hard 3? No Answer
381. bulletproof? No Answer
382. rush hour? No Answer
383. rush hour 2? No Answer
384. the police academy? No Answer
385. the notebook? No Answer
386. a walk to remember? No Answer
387. honey? No Answer
388. stick it? No Answer
389. bring it on? No Answer
390. bring it on 2? No Answer
391. the glass house? No Answer
392. never been kissed? No Answer
393. 50 first dates? No Answer
394. happy gilmore? No Answer
395. billy madison? No Answer
396. click? No Answer
397. finding neverland? No Answer
398. charlie and the chocolate factory? No Answer
399. Willy wonka and the chocolate factory? No Answer
400. Super size me? No Answer
401. freaky friday? No Answer
402. herbie fully loaded? No Answer
403. cars? No Answer
404. fast and the furious tokyo drift? No Answer
405. coming to america? No Answer
406. saving liberty? No Answer
407. napoleon dynamite? No Answer
408. jumanji? No Answer
409. you've got mail? No Answer
410. notting hill? No Answer
411. runaway bride? No Answer
412. little miss sunshine? No Answer
413. scary movie? No Answer
414. scary movie 2? No Answer
415. scary movie 3? No Answer
416. date movie? No Answer
417. poltergeist? No Answer
418. leprechaun? No Answer
419. dead silence? No Answer
420. dark fields? No Answer
421. hostel? No Answer
422. remember the titans? No Answer
423. the replacements? No Answer
424. jawbreaker? No Answer
425. prozac nation? No Answer
426. the boss's daughter? No Answer
427. office space? No Answer
428. picture perfect? No Answer
429. object of my affection? No Answer
430. bonnie and clyde? No Answer
431. bourne identity? No Answer
432. bourne supremacy? No Answer
433. gone in 60 seconds? No Answer
434. ghost rider? No Answer
435. matchstick men? No Answer
436. edward scissorhands? No Answer
437. ferris bueller's day off? No Answer
438. the perfect score? No Answer
439. blade? No Answer
440. the matrix? No Answer
441. matrix reloaded? No Answer
442. matrix revolution? No Answer
443. what time is it now? No Answer
444. are you bored? No Answer
445. what kind of calculator do you have? No Answer
446. whats the number of your house? No Answer
447. what clubs are you in? No Answer
448. do you like acting? No Answer
449. drawing? No Answer
450. painting? No Answer
451. sculpting? No Answer
452. singing? No Answer
453. playing an instrument? No Answer
454. fishing? No Answer
455. camping? No Answer